Just as you go to the gym regularly to keep your body fit, regular couples counselling can keep your relationship fit as well.
— Laura Wasser
What it is, what it looks like
Relationships can be our greatest sources of joy and fulfilment, but they can also be the source of our most intense pain and heartache. Relationship counselling is a safe space to work through the challenges you’re having in your significant relationships. Many people are aware of couples therapy as a support, but counselling can also be beneficial for other significant relationships, such as those between family members or close friendships. As with individual therapy, my style is client-centred, curious, collaborative, and optimistic about the future. Relationship counselling sessions usually involve myself and two people, and we work together to understand what is happening in the relationship and the steps to take to move forward.
How relationship counselling can help
Relationship counselling can provide support for various situations and challenges:
- Strengthening and growing your relationship
- Communicating effectively
- Negotiating disagreements
- Rebuilding trust after betrayal
- Relationship breakdown
- When addiction affects us
- Understanding each other
- Working through relationship ‘blocks’ and negative cycles
- Negotiating differences, e.g. worldview, values, personality differences
- Parenting challenges, e.g. adolescence, and building a healthy relationship once children become adults
- Establishing healthy boundaries
- Supporting our loved ones with mental health issues
What type of therapy do I use?
When I’m working with relationships, my preferred therapeutic framework is Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT is an evidence-based therapy proven to help people in many different situations to understand their relationships and where they’re typically getting stuck, to change their negative patterns, to deal with painful experiences, and to learn how to communicate more deeply and effectively. EFT is a powerful, practical therapy that helps to make our significant relationships sources of joy and fulfilment instead of misunderstanding and hurt.
Our significant relationships are meant to provide happiness and companionship through whatever life throws at us. When it’s good, it’s amazing. But when they aren’t going well it’s like a double hit, because we’re struggling and we’re also disconnected from our main support person. If you’re having difficulties in your relationship, don’t wait until a crisis point before getting help. There are many ways to make a difference before then, and many ways to build your relationship so it is a source of joy again.
Relationship counselling FAQs
What if my partner doesn’t want to come?
It’s common for one person in a relationship to be hesitant about attending counselling. If this is true for you, you have some options.
- You can book an individual session for yourself. Individual therapy can still make a big difference for your relationship, and we can work together to help you be the person that you want to be. And sometimes when we become healthier ourselves, it has a positive effect on the people closest to us as well.
- Your partner may want to meet with me for individual sessions.
- Your partner is always welcome to reach out to me to discuss their concerns. They can email me, or use the contact form.
Are all sessions together?
Most relationship counselling sessions occur with both partners present, however I also like to have at least one individual session with each person, usually after the first session. This helps me to get to know each partner, understand the context of your relationship more fully, and provide the best support for you.
How many sessions are usually involved in relationship counselling?
It depends what we’re working on! Many counselling approaches recommend at least six sessions over time to see growth, especially if the challenges you’re dealing with are significant. However, some people find even just one or two sessions is helpful. Just keep in mind that your first session usually is mostly about getting to know you and your situation. We can discuss this during your sessions, and you are of course able to discontinue sessions whenever you like. With relationship issues, it can be useful to start with regular (e.g. weekly) sessions, then once the intensity of the problem settles a little, and when you’re ready, you can change the frequency to fortnightly or monthly, and later still you can book a ‘check in’ once or twice a year (like your car services!) to keep your relationship strong and healthy.
Have more questions? Check the main FAQs page, or connect with me using the contact form.
